I'm back, but not really

I've returned to the U.S., but I don't feel like I'm completely back. I still feel very attached to Rwanda. I miss the land of a thousand hills. I miss the Americans I met through GYC. I miss the Rwandese friends I worked, traveled, and played with. I miss watching the sun set at 6pm into a bed of clouds at the horizon.

I complained about some of the troubles while I was there, for sure, but those memories aren't sticking as much.

Mike, Teresa, and I listened to Wyclef Jean's "Million Voices" in the car last night and it made me really sad. Hearing the children's choir sing the following made me nostalgic for Rwanda.

Ni ryari izuba, Rizagaruka, Hejuru yacu,
Ni nd' uzaricyeza ricyeza.

[When will the sun return above us?]
[Who will reveal it once again to us?]

The clip is part of a song that was played in "Hotel Rwanda" during the scene where all the foreign nationals fled during the first days of the genocide. The children's beautiful voices tear at my heart strings every single time I listen to this.

I just started reading "Shake Hands with the Devil" by General Romeo Dallaire, the Commander of the UN Assistance Mission to Rwanda during the genocide. Dallaire warned Kofi Annan about the genocide 3 months before it happened, only to then be ignored and be forced to witness the genocide occur right before his eyes with no means or authorization to stop it. He's the first military officer to openly suffer from post-traumatic stress order, and was given a medical discharge as a result. He testified before the ICTR to help prosecute the leaders of the genocide, and years later finally wrote this book.

I'm glad I'm reading it now because I'm able to identify with it more strongly than I would have been able to before I went to Rwanda. Reading about the genocide becomes more personal once you've met victims, perpetrators, and government officials. I've only read the foreword by Samantha Power (a hero of mine) and a little bit of his preface, and it already feels pretty intense.

I've read a couple of times the idea that Dallaire never really left Rwanda. I feel like that right now, though in a totally different way. But that's what it's like to go anywhere, to a certain extent - it stays with you, and becomes a small part of you even when you physically depart from it. Having just gotten back from Rwanda, it's easier for me to say this now. But something tells me Rwanda will be staying with me for a while.

Just because I'm back in the U.S. doesn't mean I won't continue to blog about Rwanda. My journal is full of things that need to be posted... eventually.