Step Into My World

Stable Peace in Rwanda?

2009-12-11T03:51:00.004+09:00

President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech got me thinking about Rwanda today. Specifically, his segment on the importance of protecting basic human rights for ensuring a stable peace made me think about the nature of peace in Rwanda.

On Freedom House's "Map of Freedom," Rwanda is shown as being "not free." Why might this be? Every July 4th Rwandans celebrate their National Liberation Day, so they ARE free, aren't they? The government is democratically elected in a competitive election, right? People's individual liberties are protected, right? Competing ideas are protected from persecution, right?

Well, only to a certain extent.

National Liberation Day celebrates the day when the country became free of Juvenal Habyarimana's dictatorship. Note that this marks the end of a genocidal government, not the beginning of a free and democratic one. Rwanda has certainly taken big steps towards a free democracy, but the questions posed above involve some fundamental components of a democracy that aren't very secure in Rwanda.

Let's take the first point: democratic and competitive elections
The European Union observer mission reported some fraud and irregularities during the election when President Kagame was re-elected in 2003 by an undeniable majority. While serving as President, Kagame has taken steps to eliminate his party's competition. Many things that curtail political liberties, such as declaring the major opposition party illegal, are done in the name of promoting national unity for "One Rwanda." And the people either believe it and follow Kagame because he is built up to be such a big hero, or they are too afraid to question it out of fear that they will be accused of "genocide ideology" (a vaguely defined crime).

Which brings me to the next two questions regarding protection of individual liberties and freedom of speech...
Because the concept of "genocide ideology" is so vaguely defined, anyone who speaks out against the government can be held in contempt and charged for supporting genocide ideology. The idea behind the concept is that people are either WITH Kagame or against RWANDA. A hint of criticism of the Tutsi President could be perceived as pro-Hutu, supremacist, and pro-genocide. Freedom of speech is EXTREMELY limited. Various media outlets that are critical of the government have been shut down, including BBC. One possible reason behind these policies is that the government is so concerned with creating a positive international reputation and fostering Rwanda's economic development that it seeks to create a squeaky clean impression of unity among Rwandans.

I've only scratched the surface of the issues at play here, but President Obama would undoubtedly agree with the notion that Rwanda's peace, although it has lasted for 15 years now, is not stable enough to keep it a secure democracy. I was not able to speak with many people who had critical things to say about Kagame. The ethnic tension is certainly alive though, albeit buried, and certain people MUST be critical of SOMETHING. It's concerning to think what might happen after Kagame finishes his current term and a new President steps in, one who can not rally support by playing with people's hopes and who might not as easily be able to sustain similar practices of curtailing people's human rights.

Found: Great Local Coffee Shop

2009-08-04T07:09:00.001+09:00

One of my simple pleasures in life is reading in coffee shops. I love taking a break to go sit on a comfortable couch with a tasty drink and a good book. I've been in dire need of coffee breaks lately since this moving process has made me pretty anxious and stressed out at times. I've already located the nearest Starbucks, which is conveniently located next to the Safeway and Harris Teeter grocery stores, but I wanted to find a genuinely local coffee shop.

Found it!

Stacy's Coffee Parlor in Falls Church, just a few minutes away from me. It's great! It's small but has a few comfortable couches to lounge on. The owner was very friendly. When I told him I just moved to the area and was searching for a good coffee place, he proclaimed that his coffee was the best in the area. My iced hazelnut latte was really good! But what was AMAZING was his granny smith apple coffee cake. Oh my goodness. Hands down the best coffee cake I've ever had. He came over to where I was sitting to check up on me later, and I told him I was very happy with my cake and coffee, and that he would definitely see me again.

Finding this place makes me so happy! I can escape to this place when I need a place to go read.

I'm still reading Dallaire's book, and every time I read it my mind goes back to Rwanda. If it weren't for this book, I would feel really remote from Rwanda. Life has been so crazy ever since my return that it would be really easy to go a day without thinking about Rwanda. But I don't want to do that! Reading about Rwanda will allow me to stay connected in some way. This blog will too.

My New Home

2009-08-04T06:14:00.002+09:00

I've been MIA from this blog for a while because life has been hectic ever since my return from Rwanda!

After sending many email inquiries for Craigslist ads (most of which went unanswered) and visiting countless places (seriously) only to be disappointed, I FINALLY found a place! It's a very lucky find. It's a four-story townhouse in Arlington, right across the street from the East Falls Church Metro stop which is the Orange line, just the line I need for my commute. So my commute is going to be a quick walk to the metro, followed by an 11-minute ride and a 10-minute bus ride. Not bad!

My roommates are two women: the owner, Brenda, is 31 years old and runs her own real estate appraisal business. The other roommate, Chelsea, is 23 years old and works for the State Department. Both have welcomed me very nicely. Brenda's given me a lot of information about the neighborhood (which is really nice, by the way). She has a small, friendly dog named Chloe who likes to lick and bark at me.

The house has 2 living rooms, both with flat-screen TVs (I got mixed up on which floor I was on the first couple days here). There's a yard with a BBQ grill, which my roommates use often. The kitchen is fairly small considering how spacious the rest of the house is. If it were up to me, I'd expand the kitchen into the adjacent living room to have one large kitchen (who needs 2 living rooms anyway?).

My room has a lot of privacy because it takes up the whole top floor. It's very spacious, and the vaulted ceilings makes it feel even bigger. It's furnished with a full bed (with bedding), a sound system with speakers built into the walls and ceilings (surround sound!), a TV (which I originally wanted to get rid of since I don't need a TV in my room, but whatever). The bathroom has a huge steam shower - several people could fit in there!

Sounds great huh? There are a couple of downsides though. First, the AC is separate from the rest of the house and is a very LOUD window unit. I can't sleep with it on, so I turned it off last night and kept the ceiling fan on. No biggie. More important is the lack of hanging closet space. There is a small hanging closet that Brenda bought, but it's definitely not enough. Her boyfriend was nice enough to bring over his old hanging closet, so I have a section of my room that is going to be my designated closet.

I thought about posting pictures of my room to this post, but it's so messy right now and I want your first glimpse of my room to be of a decently clean room. So pictures will come hopefully in the next week after I get rid of all the clutter I am sitting amidst right now. Currently my laptop and speakers are perched on a box and I'm looking at a room full of my bedding, dirty clothes, shoe boxes, boxes in general, and trash. Yikes! Good thing this is a big enough room to handle everything. While the actual closet space is lacking, the room has a lot of random storage space for me to get creative with.

I bought a bunch of wall art in Rwanda but judging by this room's unusually angled ceilings and wall sizes, I think I'll have to hang all of them in my office. Because of the angles, I don't feel the need to put too much stuff on the walls. Brenda strung lights over my bed which I like a lot.

Overall I'm very happy with this new home! It's still a work in progress but I'm confident I can figure out how to deal with the minor issues.

I'm back, but not really

2009-07-23T06:42:00.003+09:00

I've returned to the U.S., but I don't feel like I'm completely back. I still feel very attached to Rwanda. I miss the land of a thousand hills. I miss the Americans I met through GYC. I miss the Rwandese friends I worked, traveled, and played with. I miss watching the sun set at 6pm into a bed of clouds at the horizon.

I complained about some of the troubles while I was there, for sure, but those memories aren't sticking as much.

Mike, Teresa, and I listened to Wyclef Jean's "Million Voices" in the car last night and it made me really sad. Hearing the children's choir sing the following made me nostalgic for Rwanda.

Ni ryari izuba, Rizagaruka, Hejuru yacu,
Ni nd' uzaricyeza ricyeza.

[When will the sun return above us?]
[Who will reveal it once again to us?]

The clip is part of a song that was played in "Hotel Rwanda" during the scene where all the foreign nationals fled during the first days of the genocide. The children's beautiful voices tear at my heart strings every single time I listen to this.

I just started reading "Shake Hands with the Devil" by General Romeo Dallaire, the Commander of the UN Assistance Mission to Rwanda during the genocide. Dallaire warned Kofi Annan about the genocide 3 months before it happened, only to then be ignored and be forced to witness the genocide occur right before his eyes with no means or authorization to stop it. He's the first military officer to openly suffer from post-traumatic stress order, and was given a medical discharge as a result. He testified before the ICTR to help prosecute the leaders of the genocide, and years later finally wrote this book.

I'm glad I'm reading it now because I'm able to identify with it more strongly than I would have been able to before I went to Rwanda. Reading about the genocide becomes more personal once you've met victims, perpetrators, and government officials. I've only read the foreword by Samantha Power (a hero of mine) and a little bit of his preface, and it already feels pretty intense.

I've read a couple of times the idea that Dallaire never really left Rwanda. I feel like that right now, though in a totally different way. But that's what it's like to go anywhere, to a certain extent - it stays with you, and becomes a small part of you even when you physically depart from it. Having just gotten back from Rwanda, it's easier for me to say this now. But something tells me Rwanda will be staying with me for a while.

Just because I'm back in the U.S. doesn't mean I won't continue to blog about Rwanda. My journal is full of things that need to be posted... eventually.

Working with AJPRODHO

2009-07-17T03:42:00.000+09:00

Each of the GYC delegates have been placed to volunteer with a local civil society organization. Youth representatives from each organization were part of our conference in the first few days of our time here. Organizations included CIMS which works on land issues, HOCA which advocates for the rights of homosexuals, GTUPV which has a bunch of human rights projects, RAPP which uses theater to educate people on family planning and sexual/reproductive rights, and AJPRODHO.

AJPRODHO is the official partner with this summer’s GYC delegation. The Executive Secretary (i.e. Chief Executive), John Mudikikwa, has played a huge role in the delegation. John is actually going to the U.S. tomorrow morning! He was accepted to a State Department program that invites people from 20-something developing countries for a three-week workshop conference. He’ll be visiting several cities/states, including North Carolina! He thinks he’s supposed to visit a university there. I really hope it’s UNC so I can be there at the same time and meet up with him! Either way, I think I’ll be able to see him in DC.

AJPRODHO was founded by students at the National University a couple years after the genocide as a way to bring youth together to advocate for human rights. The youth (defined as people 35 and under) are very important to Rwanda because they make up the majority of Rwanda’s population (60-70%). AJPRODHO leads several key projects in three of the four provinces of Rwanda. John wanted us to help start a newsletter in order to bridge an information gap within the organization as well as between the organization and its partners, the government, and other interested parties.

In order to complete the newsletter, we decided to take trips to the other provinces to learn about the work each office is focusing on.

First we went to the eastern province office in Gatsibo (a two-hour drive each way) to meet with AJPRODHO’s project coordinator for the Ending Domestic Violence Program. The program trains people to deal with domestic violence and provides counseling to victims. It also sensitizes men on women’s equality and women’s rights.

Oftentimes domestic violence occurs because of the inequality between men and women within the household. As the sole breadwinner, men often misuse money and abuse their wives who do not contribute to the family’s income. To address this issue, AJPRODHO provides training on savings and loans processes to help women generate their own income. Men who have been through the program no longer see women’s role as being in the home at all times. When we went into a village and met with some of the families, a couple of them told me that the best part of this program has been that it has allowed them to get out of poverty… or at least take steps to get out of it.

Another cause of domestic violence is HIV/AIDS. Denise the project coordinator told us that men often blame women for bringing the disease into the household. AJPRODHO trains families (including children) on HIV/AIDS prevention.

Since a main goal of the EDV program is to empower women and promote gender equality within the home. One woman told me that there are no more issues with men misusing money. She said they sit at the table and make plans together.

The village community members were very happy to have us visit them. They graciously welcomed us and performed for us. In Rwanda they say it’s an honor to have guests in one’s home, and it really does feel that way every time I go anywhere.

The next day we went to the western province office in Kibuye, which was about 2.5 hours away from Kigali. There we met with Alice, the project coordinator of their Legal Aid for Children and Vulnerable Youth Facing Criminal Prosecution Program. She was the sole staff member for a project that requires a lot of time and energy. I really admire her for her work. I wish she had some help because she’s definitely not able to do it all on her own, and it must be very emotionally taxing for her.

The project provides legal representation to youth in several districts of the southern province. The lawyers are provided by Advocacy Frontier and the Kigali Bar Assocation upon AJPRODHO’s request. Alice visits police stations to meet with youth who have been detained to inform them of their rights and see if she can help them get representation. The process is pretty long and not everyone gets an attorney. Advocacy Frontier will represent minors (ages 12-18) for any charge but only adults with certain charges. Luckily all requests made to AF have been granted. KBA will provide lawyers so long as it receives a certificate confirming the defendant’s poor status.

We went to a police station in Kibuye and interviewed some detained minors and looked at the cell conditions. I have a lot to say about this so I’ll save it for another entry. For now, let’s just say: WOW.

Finally, we met with Ezra, the project coordinator of the southern province, who was fortunately in Kigali so we didn’t have to make another day trip. The southern province also works with vulnerable youth to try and prevent them from going into a life of crime. They advocate for families to send their children to school and take children to centers where they are trained in practical skills like craftwork. They also have a family planning element to their behavior change program which is hard for them to implement because of the fact that they work closely with local religious leaders who do not approve of some parts of the curriculum.

I think Fred and John weren’t sure we could finish the newsletter in the short time we had. But they didn’t know how speedy we could be! We were nearly done with all the articles in a day, and now we’re doing the finishing touches. The newsletter includes a welcome from John, background on all the projects, recent achievements, an article on the GYC delegation partnership, and future plans. We expect to have it completed tomorrow. Eventually it’ll be posted on the AJPRODHO website as a PDF, but we can’t do it ourselves because we haven’t been able to get in touch with the man who built the website for them. I really hope that part works out and that the newsletter can get up there.

AJPRODHO is entering a transitional phase because John is leaving his post as Executive Secretary. A former president of the organization is stepping into his place, but something tells me that there will be some issues with sustaining this newsletter during the transition. I hope I’m wrong.

The girls and I have been really lucky to be placed with AJPRODHO. It seems like the others have had one problem or another with their placement. One organization wasn’t structured enough to allow volunteers to help them with anything. One organization’s leader went back to Uganda and the remaining members had some internal conflicts. With AJPRODHO, we’ve had a clear plan with a clear goal – to produce the newsletter and help train the staff to keep it going.

We’ve had the privilege of working and hanging out with some incredible people – Fred, John, and Frances – who are all very accommodating, kind, happy, silly people. Fred is a volunteer and full-time student who was part of our GYC delegation. He’s one of the best friends I’ve met here.

John invited us to his home last night and we got to meet his wife, three beautiful sons, a brother, and a cousin. Fred and Frances were there as well. It was such a great time! Great way to wrap up our time together. I feel so lucky I got to work with such great people, see and learn all that I did on our site visits, and help them start their newsletter.

Gisenyi

2009-07-15T00:11:00.005+09:00

For our day off, some of us decided to take a trip to Gisenyi which is right on Lake Kivu. Just wanted to recap the ridiculous highlights of the weekend real quick.

After gacaca (which deserves its own entry later), we took a public bus to Gisenyi which took about 3 hours. Things were fine until the man behind me tapped me on my shoulder. I assumed he just wanted to talk to me. I couldn't hear or understand him so I just ignored him... but a few minutes later, I hear and feel a huge *SPLASH* all over me. I look and see vomit ALL OVER the right side of my body, and ALL over the floor and windows.

I was absolutely mortified. So disgusting. Granted this could happen anywhere, but this was Rwanda and it seemed like another thing to add to the list of weird/crazy happenings. Luckily this happened towards the end of the trip. Edy had sanitizing wipes which I used to clean off the chunks, but the stench remained all the way until I reached our hotel.

That night, dinner took HOURS because each of our dishes came out literally ONE DISH AT A TIME. We joked that the chickens must be laying the eggs right then and there. All of us were really frustrated by the miscommunications and language barrier and just downright poor service (which has become a daily occurrence for us). Even our Rwandese friends felt like the waiters didn't understand them. I wanted white wine. They didn't have white wine. I ordered a Spanish omelette. Didn't end up getting my Spanish omelette.

I was too tired to go out with them afterwards and wanted to get a fresh start the next day. The hot water heater never ended up heating our water enough for a hot shower. We paid extra to get a room with a hot water heater but it was pretty much worthless the first night.

The next day we had a relaxing breakfast on the hotel lawn, which had two cranes walking around. It reminded me of how the United Nations in Geneva had peacocks just roaming around the grounds as pets. So random.

I got sick that morning. It was my first time getting sick here. I’m just glad it happened while I was at a five-star hotel with nice bathrooms! Afterwards it was nice to relax on the beach.

Since we were so turned off by dinner the previous evening, we decided to go all out and make dinner reservations at the Hotel Serena.

When we got to the restaurant, the manager came to greet us. When we asked to see the dinner menu, he said, “We have a wonderful dinner buffet. I highly recommend it. You will love it.” We asked if we could just look at the dinner menu, but he kept going on in a bombastic way with “But the buffet is very nice. Let me show you. It is 11,000 rwf. I would love to get your feedback on the buffet.” Finally we were like “Okay, we’ll stay, but can we still see a dinner menu?” They brought out menus but eventually we gave up on trying to order from it and decided to take the buffet instead, even though most of us were already full from the snacks we had at our hotel.

The buffet looked really good, but I didn’t make it past my first plate because I got sick again. That plate was the most expensive appetizer I have ever had in my life. I felt pretty miserable and disappointed.

When we asked for our bill, two of the girls gave them their credit cards to be charged. When I got my bill, though, I saw that they had charged us 12,200 rwf instead of the 11,000 rwf the manager had said. This happens all the time – we’ve been calling it the muzungu tax – where white people get charged more money than normal. (“Muzungu” means “white person” and is something we hear all the time. It’s used to call out at us and when talking about us. It’s not necessarily derogatory, but it could certainly be used in a derogatory way. I guess it’s like the Korean word “baek-een.”) Oftentimes prices are not fixed so it’s hard to tell what the correct price is. We never saw the buffet price written down anywhere. All we knew was that the manager had told us THREE times that it would be 11,000 rwf.

We were so sick of the muzungu tax. I told the waiter that it was supposed to be 11,000 rwf but no one would listen. Everyone denied it. So we looked for the manager. He denied it too! It was extremely exasperating. I think this was the last straw for all of us, because we didn’t expect this to happen at a five-star hotel restaurant where many foreigners come. The muzungu table right next to us was told the buffet would be 10,000 rwf and were charged 12,200 rwf as well. We would have just walked out without paying anything had two of us not handed over credit cards.

Such a terrible way of doing business. It makes me sick. Either way, they were going to get a lot of money from us – 11,000 rwf x 5 people = 55,000 rwf = about $110. But they just had to try and squeeze extra money from us. If 12,200 rwf was indeed the correct price, they should have just told us from the beginning! We spent so much time arguing with the waiters and manager. The manager kept denying it and claimed not to remember telling us the lower price. It went something like this:

“Remember when we came in and asked about the dinner menu?”

“Yes.”

“Remember when you told us about how great the buffet was?”

“Yes.”

“Remember when you told us three times that the buffet was 11,000 rwf?”

“I do not remember this.”

Meanwhile, the one Rwandese who was with us wasn’t helping us at all. If Cedy or Rose were still with us, they would have flipped a switch and gone off on them, but alas they had gone back to Kigali early. Only William was left and he didn’t try to fight for us at all.

Eventually we paid the 11,000 rwf each. Our waiter said that the manager was making the employees pay the difference. WHAT?! That was it. I went to find the general hotel manager’s contact information. I wanted to talk with the head manager but instead I talked to the night manager, whose first question was, “Did he tell you the price in Rwandan francs or dollars?” What did that matter? As if I mistakenly heard “eleven thousand francs” when the manager said “twenty-two dollars”? “Because they usually say the dinner buffet costs $22,” he clarified. Whatever.

The muzungu tax is very common but it was so surprising to us to be treated like that at what was supposed to be the country’s top quality hotel. This was, by far, the worst experience we had with the muzungu tax. Sometimes it seems like people see muzungu and see walking money bags. Cha-ching-chinging by.

Maybe I'll go to the Congo...

2009-07-12T20:45:00.003+09:00

Just kidding, but I could if I wanted to. I'm relaxing on the beach of Lake Kivu at a very nice resort - the Lake Kivu Serena Hotel - a mile away from the Congo.

But if I were to go 1 mile into the Congo and visit Goma, I would experience a totally different atmosphere. Violence and mass rapes. Just 1 mile away.

When I heard about this, my question was: Are we safe here?

The response I got from my more experienced friend was a very ladeedah "Oh yeah" which just baffled me. Apparently Rwanda has one of the biggest/strongest armies in all of Africa. So that's how I'm so safe on this lovely beach. The Congolese don't dare challenge the Rwandese army. Not going to lie though, it's crazy to think about how close one of the world's worst conflicts is yet it's not at all a part of my surroundings. All I hear is the sound of waves on the beach and people laughing and playing. No gunshots or bomb shells.

It's so relaxing to just sit here and read. I finally have a chance to read more of "Wicked." My schedule has been so packed that this is a welcome respite for a day before I have to get on a 6am 3-hour bus to Kigali and report to AJPRODHO for a day of working at the office.

LOTS to report since my last post but for now I'm just going to take in some sun and enjoy "Wicked." The next couple days are busy but hopefully I'll get a chance to blog again soon.

The Struggle of Homosexuals

2009-07-08T02:00:00.002+09:00

By the way, if you click on "Follow Blog" at the top of the screen, I think you get emails when I update.

Today we started our volunteer work with our organizations. At the end of the day, we debriefed on how our first day went and I'm still bothered by what Valerie learned.

Valerie and some others are volunteering with HOCA, a group that advocates for the protection of homosexuals' rights. They're technically unofficial because they haven't gone through the arduous process of getting governmental recognition. So the organization is very underground, even though they are trying hard to increase their visibility.

For the record and to give you some context for this issue, an overwhelming majority of Rwandans are Christian. There is no law against homosexuality, but there is a bill in progress to criminalize it. Homosexuality is very much a taboo and people are hush hush about it (except in safe spaces like our delegation). People who oppose homosexuality are open to say that homosexuals will go to hell. When I met with one of the Human Rights Commissioners today, she said that the country supports the protection of human rights for all, but that is directly contradicted by the way Rwandans treat homosexuals and the pending legislation. She also said that the commission hasn't dealt with human rights issues regarding homosexuality because "no cases have been presented before them, and no organizations exist right now." Um, okay.

Valerie told me about some of the stories she heard from some of the members. One lesbian couple told her about being beat up at a bar and kicked out of it. The people who beat them told them that they would continue to harass them. A Muslim radio show allowed people to come on their air and announce the name, address, and description of lesbians/gays followed by a call to watch out for them.

SERIOUSLY?! I was blown away by this. Absolutely blown away.

Recall that hate speech on the radio was a MAJOR INSTRUMENT of starting and facilitating the genocide. And now homosexuals are becoming targets. It's like the 60s and 70s in the U.S.

I understand the mindset these people have. Homosexuality is disturbing to many. Many people are against it because of their religion. I actually conducted research on the attitudes towards homosexuality presented in the Old Testament vs. New Testament vs. the Qur'an that had different conclusions than the ones most people come to with their readings. But that's besides the point of this entry. I understand where people come from with their discomfort and homophobia.

HOWEVER, fearing/disliking a group of people in no way justifies violating their fundamental human rights. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. Everyone deserves to be able to express themselves and be vocal about their sexuality without fearing harm or danger. Everyone deserves to express themselves if they are against homosexuality, but NOT when that expression infringes upon the rights of homosexuals.

Even members of our delegation are opposed to homosexual rights, or don't think it's important enough to advocate for. It's interesting that this indifference and hostility exists among even the most educated and progressive members of Rwandan society.

It just made me really really sad to hear Valerie's account today. Just so sad. There are so many progressive things that are seemingly happening in Rwanda, but this is just another example of something very wrong.

You don't have to be a liberal to sympathize with what homosexuals have to go through here, in the U.S., and all over the world. Just recognize their humanity and that no one deserves to be treated this way.

We were all so moved by Valerie's account that we've decided to strategize on how HOCA can get their official recognition, and how we can go about reporting the incident at the radio station and the bar. We've decided that Valerie will keep us updated on the progress so that we can all help out in whatever way we can. You don't have to identify with a group in order to empathize with it. Activism requires allies from any and all backgrounds.

National Liberation Day

2009-07-07T00:56:00.003+09:00

BIG DAY

National Liberation Day celebrates the transfer of political power from the genocidaires to Paul Kagame and the RPF. Kagame remains the president today and is VERY popular. The holiday is a big deal and EVERYONE celebrates in one way or another. Kevin, one of the Rwandan delegates, works in an organization that fights government corruption and was able to hook us up with VIP tickets for the big ceremony at the stadium.

Who was there? I was within 50 feet from:

1. President Paul Kagame

2. President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda

3. Prime Minister Meles Zenawi of Ethiopia

BAM!

The stadium had an elaborate display of the Rwandan military. Reminded me of Russia's May Day parade. I counted 14 groups of 80 people each, all armed with huge guns or small rocket launchers. There was also a fly-by of the air force.

Each head of state said a few words to commemorate the holiday. I was most struck by Prime Minister Zenawi, who said, "I have no illusions about what happened in 1994" and proceeded to talk about how the genocide was brought to an end by none other than the Rwandans themselves, and that no one else could truly receive credit for stopping it.

After the speeches, there was an awesome traditional dance as well as a group of children who came out singing. A young girl among them gave an amazing declaration about the progress of Rwanda and the strive to protect human dignity in Rwanda. She said it so strongly, so eloquently, so FIERCELY. It was amazing.

What was even more amazing was... WE MET CARL WILKINS!

Carl Wilkins is the ONLY American to stay behind during the genocide. He saved about 400 people. A true hero. I admire him for his courage and compassion to stay behind when he could very well have peaced out and saved himself. He was in Rwanda doing missionary work, and comes back every now and then to do more work. This time he was here with teachers meeting with students. AND I GOT TO MEET HIM! He's a beautiful, white-haired man with a kind smile and he was so friendly with us. He was interested in meeting with some students so we exchanged contact information. Actually, Alice was the first one to approach him - quite the proactive one, that girl! I'm so glad Ashley recognized him. I honestly didn't know about him before so I definitely wouldn't have paid much attention to him. It was such an honor to meet a man like him. People like him blow my mind. I know in my heart that I wouldn't have been able to do what he did. I just know it. But meeting him makes me want to be able to do what he did if I were in a similar situation.

3 Nights in a Homestay

2009-07-07T00:35:00.005+09:00

Glad it wasn't 3 weeks.

I remember spending 6 weeks in a homestay in Switzerland. I am SO GLAD this wasn't as long. At least the accommodations of my Swiss home were really nice. Alice's home... not so much. To be fair, it was nicer than St. Paul's in several ways:

1. Bigger bed with a comforter

2. Nice furniture

HOWEVER:

1. The bathroom sink didn't have running water, and neither did the shower, so we had to wash with buckets.

2. Cockroaches.

3. The family was too hospitable and made us feel obligated to go along with what they wanted to do for us.

I am SO glad I had Ashley with me (another American). Otherwise I would NOT have been happy. It's so nice to be able to vent about my frustrations with someone. Some people here are VERY unhappy. Ashley, for example, is very depressed because being here has brought back a lot of issues she has with her mother's brutal murder. Some others aren't used to traveling in a developing country via a service-learning program and aren't cool with the accommodations or Jesse's behavior. I'm actually not that frustrated. Compared to how miserable I was in Korea, this is absolutely nothing. Sure, it drives me crazy that my body won't listen to me, but that's really the biggest frustration I have.

Anyway, the homestay was not so fun. I am a VERY CLEAN PERSON. I LIKE TAKING HOT SHOWERS. SHOWERS, not baths. I had to wash my long hair in a squatting position. The first night I waited for the hot water to heat up. The second time I didn't have the patience to wait because I was so tired.

I (and others) are tired very early at night because of how busy our days are. After the bus ride from Musanze, I was ready to eat, knock out, and go to bed. But then dinner ended up not being ready until like 11. We went to bed at like 1am... Ashley and I joked that we probably went to bed later than the others who ended up going out for drinks/dancing. Grrr...

Ashley and I turned our king-size bed into a coccoon each night with our bed net. Didn't want to take any chances. There were some little mosquitoes floating around here and there. I haven't gotten bit much though. I've even stopped using my 98% DEET bug juice (which I hear is toxic... yikes).

Since many children lost their parents in the genocide, it is very common for people to live with aunts, uncles, and/or cousins. Alice lives with her older cousin Emma (who is the male head of the household) and two other cousins. On the first night, Emma made a big deal about wanting us to share a beverage with him in his home. Apparently receiving guests is a big honor to Rwandans, and it's very important to show a lot of hospitality to guests. On our side, it felt a little uncomfortable at times because we were tired and wanted to go to sleep, not have tea.

We didn't have much privacy in the home. Alice and her cousin would just walk into the room without knocking, flop onto our bed, and just start talking to us or on their cell phone. They'd also just take crackers without asking. It's not in a rude way, just very casual way. They became comfortable with us very quickly.

Other people had homestays that were more difficult. Two girls were taken to church where they had reserved seats at the front and were told to stand up and wave to everyone else at one point during the mass. Foreigners ("muzungu") are very special here. Several people had holes in their bathrooms rather than toilets. One group got lucky and stayed with an upper middle class family. A couple girls stayed with a guy who treated his sister like a servant and made her do all the domestic work (this guy works in human rights activism/advocacy by the way).

Note for later: gotta talk more about the house boys/girls.

Musanze

2009-07-07T00:14:00.003+09:00

Since I can't blog every day, my strategy is to make smaller, more specific entries - some about what I've been up to, and some about my observations of Rwanda, and some about human rights issues. I've been keeping a journal with notes about what I want to expand on later, so that's going to be very helpful.

The delegation went on a fieldwork trip to Musanze, a rural area in the northern province, to talk to people who are dealing with land reform issues. A 2005 land reform bill made huge changes to the way land is distributed among people. With limited land space and a growing population, land ownership is a huge issue here. Land is a source of income as well as a source of pride. The trip was in partnership with CIMS, an NGO that deals with land conflicts.

In Rwanda, the land breaks down into: provinces --> districts --> sectors --> cells

We met with sector leaders who told us about the changes they've experienced post land reform. We also met with cell representatives who told us about their own experiences at the cell level. Afterwards, we met with a family who talked to us about their personal issues.

This trip was... a little difficult haha. The bus drive was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, but I started to get sick because of the bumpy, curvy road. I switched seats to sit next to a window and tried to focus on the scenery. It didn't help that I was at the VERY back of the bus, so all the jumping was even stronger in the back. At a couple of points, everyone in the last two rows (of about 5 rows) jumped up. It was a real life roller coaster.

After that exciting drive, we got to experience the dirtiest bathrooms ever... bathrooms that made St. Paul's bathrooms look regal. Basically, the bathroom was a cement shack behind one of the buildings with a hole. That's all. So we got to practice our squats. Luckily some of us had toiler paper.

We've learned very quickly what our most valuable belongings here are. Basically, water is gold and toilet paper is silver.

I've been struggling with constipation hardcore since I got here. I felt pretty miserable the past few days and I've been trying SO HARD to deal. I've tried almost everything: prunes, high fiber crackers, high fiber dried fruit bars, mangos, fruits in general, lots of water... WHAT MORE CAN I DO?! Geez. It's gotten a little better. "Evacuation part deux" (one of several euphemisms we've used) is a big topic of conversation among us. It's so funny how often we talk about our body issues here. Some are struggling more than others. I'm glad I'm not dealing with anything worse. A couple women are on their periods. With the scarcity of toilet paper and trash cans, I am SO GLAD I'm not on mine (knock on wood).

Moving along... we finally got to go dancing in Musanze! The club we went to had a dance floor that was empty when we got there, but our group took over and turned it into a great night. I had a lot of fun. It was so beautiful to take a step back and see everyone dancing and having a good time with each other... we had already by that time become ONE group. Not Americans and Rwandans separately, but just ONE group. The Rwandans were so quick to embrace and accept us, and all the Americans are really friendly as well, so we've turned into a big happy family very quickly.

During the trip to Musanze, it was interesting to see the culture shock that our urban Rwandans faced while being in the rural village. Cedy was disgusted and worried that he might have to eat with his hands. The Rwandans didn't really chat with each other during lunch. It was interesting to see the intersection of Rwandan subcultures while we ourselves were dealing with one cultural experience after another.

My roommate for the night was Rose, one of the Rwandan delegates. I love her. She's a vibrant, confident, sassy 23-year-old woman who was one of our amazing translators during the visit. She works with an NGO while also attending university. We talked a lot about her boyfriend and dating in general. More on dating later (lots to talk about there).

I think a lot of us were anxious to get back to Kigali. The hotel we stayed at wasn't that great - I was excited to see we had our own bathrooms, but then there was no hot water. It was the first night I actually sweat (from dancing), but also the first night I didn't shower. No shower is better than an ice cold shower.

The next day, I was bracing myself to feel sick during the car ride but it wasn't bad at all! This time SEVERAL others did start to feel nauseous. William, one of the Rwandan delegates, knew I felt sick the last time and kept his arm around me during the bumpy portions. I joked with him that maybe he was the one who kept me from feeling sick.

Birthday in Rwanda!

2009-07-07T00:06:00.004+09:00

3 of the 4 last birthdays have been spent in another country... 19th in Switzerland, 20th in Korea, 21st in the U.S., 22nd in Rwanda. Awesome!

I have never been around people who were more excited about my birthday than the group I'm with here was. It took me by surprise, especially since I didn't really know these people. People were looking forward to it days in advance, and were wishing me a happy birthday all day. I had only met the Rwandan delegates the day before and even they were so generous in giving me hugs and birthday wishes. One made me a little card and then a few others signed it. Another went and bought me a birthday card while we were out. Also, Jesse (Program Director) and Silas surprised me with a cake. There were no forks so we got down and dirty with our hands. It was a sweet gesture.

The plans for the evening were to go to dinner and then to a club, but after dinner we were all SO exhausted so we took a rain check on clubbing.

All in all, it was a great birthday. All the American and Rwandan delegates made it very special for me. And the emails and facebook messages from my loved ones back in the U.S. also made it special :)

Silas

2009-07-01T01:49:00.002+09:00

Like I said in a previous post, Silas is our Logistics Coordinator. He is part of one of the NGOs we're working with called AJPRODHO, and he also works at the hospital. He's a very handsome, sweet, and friendly man.

At the village, Silas was our awesome translator who spent HOURS translating from Kinyarwanda to English. He did an awesome job. On the Indiana Jones ride back from the village when we were all thanking him for his hard work, he said that it was a good experience. Then we started talking one on one and he mentioned that it was good to hear the guy talk about certain things because it made him think about things again. Very vague. I kinda probed for more, and eventually found out that he was in the army for two weeks until the army made him enter University. I'm guessing from that that he was in the RPF [Tutsi] army. I really hope I can get another chance to talk more about his experience.

Genocide Memorial & Wiboye Peace Village

2009-07-01T01:04:00.002+09:00

Today was... wow. Challenging, uncomfortable, eye-opening, striking in reality... just damn. I'm starting to realize that this organization has given me an awesome opportunity to gain access to things that I wouldn't have accessed if I were to just come here on my own. In the next few weeks, I'm going to be able to interact with young Rwandan activists, students, street children, orphans, academics... so many people who are struggling with human rights issues and seeking to make social change.

In the morning the group went to visit the Genocide Memorial, a dedication to the 1994 genocide that gets TONS of visitors all the time. It was a very clean, nice, moderately sized compound. We got a tour of the outside, which had several mass graves that just looked like cement blocks lying on the ground. These cement blocks, which don't look like they go that deep into the ground, hold 10-15,000 people's remains EACH. I think I remember the guide saying there were a total of 300,000 people buried at the memorial. Damn. The remains are placed into coffins (usually more than one person's body to a coffin because their remains are usually not whole). It was hard to visualize considering we didn't see how deep the graves went, but it was momentous to be standing there next to them.

We had a moment of silence in front of one that displayed a few coffins. I don't pray regularly like I used to, and my faith has definitely gone down in the last few years, so I didn't turn to prayer during the moment of silence. All that kept running through my mind was, "I'm really sorry." There were just no other thoughts going through my mind as I stood there crying over this mass grave. Before heading to the memorial, we had asked ourselves whether we felt personally responsible for the genocide. I don't, but I think my apology was moreso an acknowledgement that people, all people, failed to protect these people and save them... and acknowledgement that they died for the worst reason - for their identity.

-----

The museum was very well put together! I must note though, on a more cynical note, that there was absolutely NOTHING about the United States' [lack of] involvement in the genocide. Wanna know why? On the big "We would like to thank" board of big donors, guess who was listed? The William J. Clinton Foundation. Mm hmm. All makes sense now.

One problem about Rwanda's history is that it isn't agreed upon. People don't agree on how the Hutus and Tutsis came to be, or how they came to hate each other. The exhibit started off with Rwanda's past, but it omitted most of the precolonial history. This is sad to me... Rwanda's published past begins with its colonization by Germany. Apparently there is no set curriculum for history that the government has been able to agree on, so history is just NOT taught in Rwanda's schools. That's crazy to me. I personally think teaching all versions of the debated history is better than not teaching any history at all (kind of like how teaching several explanations of creation is better than teaching just one or none at all).

One really interesting tidbit I read about in the account of the genocide was about what happened at St. Paul's. St. Paul's is where we are staying for the majority of our trip. Turns out that St. Paul's was used by Father Celestin Hakizimana to provide refuge to over 2000 people. In the same rooms where we're staying in right now... where I'm snoozing tonight...

The exhibit had survivor testimonies that were very moving and powerful. I cried while listening to one man talk about his mother during the last moments of her life when they were trying to escape from the genocidaires. She was trying to find food for her starving son, but was only able to find peas which he didn't like. She apologized for not being able to find anything else... and that's when I cried, because her maternal attitude reminded me of my mom. I can totally see my mom being like that, and then that made me start to think: These victims suffered from the worst bad luck. They didn't do anything. All it was was that fate/chance/whatever made them born the way they were, and they were punished for it. My mom and I were lucky that we weren't born in Rwanda... but there's nothing else special about us that would save us from the kind of fate Rwandans faced. And THAT really makes me angry and sad.

After that, I entered a dark, seemingly empty room which turned out to hold some of the skulls and limbs of the victims. That's when I broke down. I couldn't help it. I cried because it hurt so bad to see the actual remains and proof of the genocide right there in the display before me. It breaks my heart that people could actually do that to their own people. In some cases, former friends turned into killers. That's outrageous to me. Just shows you how what a powerful force an authority figure can have in mobilizing one group over another... one fabricated, made-up category of "race" over another.

This visit also gave me a reality check that I have been spending WAY too much energy worrying about unnecessary things in my life. I feel like I keep getting these reality checks. Hopefully they'll continue to affect me when I get back :)

----

Later that afternoon, we took a bus taxi to the Wiboye Peace Village, a village comprised of orphans (their parents killed during the genocide), many of which are victims of rape and sexual assault. The last segment of the ride was on a rough dirt road and I felt like I was on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland because of how bumpy it was. Not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous about that taxi being able to make it intact... and us making it intact haha. But we did!

When we got there, some of the kids had a soccer ball and a couple girls started to kick the ball with them. More people joined in and eventually we had a big circle of all of us - the GYC delegates and the village kids - kicking around the ball. It was great! Good icebreaker.

But when we actually sat down to have a dialogue between the two groups, it got really uncomfortable and awkward. It's very uncomfortable to sit with a group you want to learn from but not be sure how to approach the sensitive topics you want to learn about, or if you should approach them at all. We introduced ourselves and told them that we were here in Rwanda to learn about human rights issues and that we came to learn about their community. When it came time to start asking each other questions, there was an awkward silence. I had plenty of things I wanted to know, but I feel like the questions I had weren't appropriate for a large group setting. I asked the first one and tried to pick an innocent, light question: "Do you grow any crops here?" It was so lame. I was just curious if their community was somewhat sustainable, but putting the question into words made it seem like I thought they were primitive or something. They laughed when I asked... =/

I also asked them what their reaction to our latest elections was, and if it made them think about the U.S. differently. The eldest guy (looked like he was in his mid-20s) answered most of the questions. He was clearly the leader of the group. He said that it made them very happy, and gave them a lot of hope to see that a Black man went from being unfairly treated to be the leader of the country.

After these initial lighter questions, the guy said that we could ask them about anything and that they would share whatever with us. So then we started talking about the pursuit of justice in Rwanda, and it was so interesting to listen to his answers. Academics have their opinions about what "justice" is - whether it is being tried by the ICTR, or being tried in the gacaca system. (the gacaca system is a local courts system where perpetrators go before their communities, confess their crime, and then the people forgive them.) After reading about the different opinions of justice in Rwanda, it was refreshing to hear what some Rwandans thought about it. It seems to me that Rwandans favor the gacaca system. The guy shed new light on it when he said that a killer won't accept the judgment of a foreign body, but he will accept judgment from his own friends and family. He won't really repent when it's in a foreign setting, but when he must confess on his own volition to people from his community, he has a greater sense of accountability. Makes sense. Critics of the gacaca system don't like how killers get off with such "lenient" punishments and prefer that they get jailtime... but in the minds of the community members, the confession seems to be enough. Everyone I've heard from has said something along the lines of: "It's more important for us to be united so that we can move forward and rebuild Rwanda." That attitude has certainly paid off considering how rapidly Rwanda has developed in the last 15 years.

I'm so glad GYC gave me the opportunity to go to the village. The talk was tense at times, but we ended our visit with refreshments, a tour of one of the houses, and pictures. One of the older guys asked me for my email, so looks like I got myself a penpal!

We also got invited to a woman's wedding coming up. Her invitation said something like: "I have found someone who has taken my heart, and will do anything I want him to do." It was so cute and funny. I hope we can make it to the wedding. It's the same day as our scheduled time to sit in on a gacaca hearing...

Quick add to first day

2009-07-01T00:59:00.002+09:00

Something I was moved by on the first day:

We were going around the group, sharing what we were most surprised by on our first day in Rwanda. A lot of people talked about how green it was, how developed Rwanda was, how much gasoline was in the air (yuck).

But what Silas (our Logistics Coordinator from Rwanda) said touched me. He said what he was most surprised by was how confident we all were, and how happy we all were. He said, "It makes me very happy to see how confident you are in my country."

Im here!

2009-06-29T01:12:00.002+09:00

I made it to Rwanda with really no trouble at all. The flights were fine... food was a little questionable but no biggie... luggage made it safe and sound. I was so relieved.

Rwanda is BEAUTIFUL! The rolling green hills look absolutely amazing from the air. The weather reminds me of California - sunny and warm during the day, chilly at night. Its near the equator so the days and nights are around 12 hours each.

I didnt bring my laptop with me so all my internet usage will be from the computers at internet cafes which have different keyboards that are kinda frustrating.

To give you some background on what Im doing here: Im with a human rights advocacy organization called Global Youth Connect. The purpose of this trip is to learn about Rwandas human rights issues and how it is dealing with the genocide that happened in 1994. Its also to promote a cross-cultural dialogue about these issues and help Rwandans who are working in the field.

Today was our orientation and I can tell that this will get a little challenging at times just because of the sensitivity of the issues we are dealing with. Physically, the trip doesnt seem like it will be that rough - the accomodations are fine and so far Im not getting sick (knock on wood). This will be a valuable learning experience, and Im looking forward to what all we will be seeing and discussing. Already today we dived into some serious topics regarding trauma, reconciliation between perpetrators and survivors of genocide, and hate speech. What made the discussion so interesting is the fact that the people from the delegation come from diverse academic and professional backgrounds, and we had a couple of Rwandans to offer their perspectives as well.

My specific goals for this trip:
- to learn more about how justice is being carried out with the perpetrators of genocide: the gacaca process (trials at the local level), how Rwandans feel about gacaca versus the ICTR, how it is helping them move forward
- to learn more about how Rwanda is balancing the demands of justice, reconciliation, and economic development
- to share my experiences and thoughts about all this as much as possible here
- to figure out how I want to fit this experience into my career goals since Im interested in law, human rights, and international relations but not completely sure of what I want to pursue after SRA.

I like the idea of being removed from everything that is going on in the US. Im going to try and focus completely on being in Rwanda and not focus on things I have going on in the US. What made Switzerland and Korea difficult was being attached to Peter and being homesick; luckily this time I dont feel that (doesnt mean I dont miss you!). I didnt get a cell phone because I dont really need to make phone calls; emails will suffice. I did call my mom real quick to let her know that I arrived and tell her to pass the news along to the rest of the fam. Hope she got the message.

This keyboard is getting frustrating. I have so many thoughts I want to share from todays discussions but maybe Ill wait another day when I can just borrow someone elses computer.

But before I leave, heres a question I want to pose to you based on something we discussed today: What are your impressions of Rwanda? Not what you think the average Americans impression is... what YOUR impression is.

Blogging Again

2009-06-26T00:35:00.002+09:00

I've been meaning to continue this blog for a while now, but I finally have a great reason to!

I'm leaving for Rwanda tomorrow morning, and I'm going to try to update this while I'm there (if I can access internet for cheap). My friends and family have been freaking out about this trip, so I hope I can share some updates about what's going on so that everyone can be in the loop and worry less.

If I don't get internet, I'll just type my entries into Microsoft Word and post them when I get back.

If I lose my laptop, I'll write the old-fashioned way.

If I lose myself... well, there will be no journal to read then. Only news stories. hahaha.

Korea at the Crossroads: the Switzerland of Asia

2007-07-25T14:57:00.000+09:00

I just came back from listening to Kichan Bae, Secretary to the President for the Northeast Asian Cooperative Initiative, talk about his book called "Korea at the Crossoroads."

He had several images in his book that were interesting - one was a map of China's projected sphere of influence (as predicted by Brezinski) in the 21st century. It was extended to cover Southeast Asia, Korea, and parts of Russia and the Middle East. I agree with Mr. Bae that China is the biggest competitor for U.S. in power and influence in this region.

Korea's in a unique position in that it is in the center of global powers: Russia, China, Japan, and the U.S. in spirit... much like Switzerland's position in Europe during the 19th century. Of course, Switzerland has the advantage of its landscape to shield it from foreign invasion while Korea doesn't, but both countries have the advantage as a neutral state to help relations around it. Mr. Bae sees this as Korea's role in the future.

Korea's duty, according to Mr. Bae, is to become closer with China since China's power is rising, but because this will pose a threat to the U.S., it must also become closer with Japan. Of course, with the instability of North Korea, the question of reunification and lasting peace on the peninsula is uncertain. Kim Jung Il has no heir, and the country is becoming more and more unstable.

One person in the audience asked a question about the possibility of forming an Asian Union much like the European Union. I thought this was pretty funny in how utterly ridiculous it was - there's absolutely no way that a multinational union will fly in Asia and it's overly optimistic to even toy with the idea. Firstly regarding physical size, the European Union even had challenges of integrating all the nations because of disparities in currency/economies/cultures... Asia would be even harder, since we have vast powerful countries that are doing much better on their own than they would if they all had to answer to one government.

I like the analogy of Korea being the Switzerland of Asia. It's so true. It's in a delicate situation that Mr. Bae seemed to be really optimistic about, but in truth, Korea's future can just as much be bad as it can be good. So Korea is Switzerland in the sense that it can serve as a neutral ground for China, North Korea, Japan, Russia, and the U.S. to come together with regards to the North Korea issue - all the other powers have a major interest in NK's type of government, whereas South Korea has declared it is more interested in evolving North Korea and not tackling its regime. On the other hand, it's definitely not as neutral as Switzerland is/was in Europe since it definitely has major interests at stake throughout the 6-Party Talks. The current administration's targeted deadline for Korea's reunification is 2030: good luck with that.

As a side note: I was so impressed by the interpretor who was present at today's lecture. She wrote very brief notes in Korean/English/Chinese so quickly and then very nicely translated what Mr. Bae said almost exactly the way he said so, even though she didn't write down exactly what she said. I was so curious about her education, so I approached her after the talk. She attended a graduate institute program specifically for interpretors, so maybe that's how she became so good with knowing key political English terms. It's impressive she knew some obscure words that weren't political in nature though - like "porcupine" - WHO KNOWS what "porcupine" means after taking a language for several years? I don't know what "porcupine" is in Korean. I was impressed. Her accent was great too, which made me think she had gone to school in the States, but she said she only went to the States for school when she was really young. I was so mesmerized by her skill that I kept watching her during the lecture.

I'm musing on the possibility of maybe pursuing a small part-time job in translating simple books or stories. Nothing too difficult at first, but it could be fun and good practice for my Korean to translate simple Korean books into English. It bugs me to see the wrong translation some Korean TV shows have for their English subtitles. I appreciate the Korean language's intricacies in how many different ways you can say something simple, and I think subtitles should be literal translations as much as possible. Definitely something I'll look into doing when I get back home. I imagine I could easily do it in my free time during the school year even (as long as the deadline is lenient) and send in the manuscript to the publishers.

A Rendezvous with Harry Potter and the MBC News

2007-07-22T16:20:00.001+09:00

With my new Harry Potter book

The craze for Harry Potter reached Seoul as a few friends of mine and I went to a bookstore near City Hall at 9AM to await the 9:30AM release of the 7th and final edition of "Harry Potter." Since we had reserved it in advance, we got a 40% discount. Harry Potter... discount... good deal!

It got better.

After we paid and were waiting for our other friends, getting pumped up and excited about reading the book, we saw a camera crew and anchorman from MBC (a national TV channel) come into the store and set up for filming. After lots of giggles and excitement among my friends, I finally just decided "Why not?" and approached the reporter, asking if he would like an interview with me. He said that would be great, and set me up for what he'd be asking.

He asked me what brought me to the bookstore that morning, what my feelings were about having received the last book, and what I was most curious about. Through it all, I was poised and doing great. I was already so excited though, what with having just gotten the last Harry Potter and then also at being interviewed by a national broadcasting company, that I got a little distracted in front of the camera and didn't completely comprehend some of his questions. I saw him give me a smirk when I just started talking about my excitement and didn't really address his question. I feared that those errors would be enough to not air my interview. Still, I was hopeful that they could maneuver around it with some editing. The reporter asked me to jot down my name and contact information. When I asked what it was for, he said for "translation" though I wasn't sure exactly what kind of translation he was referring to.

It was very exciting, so of course I made a few rounds of phone calls to spread the news before I started reading. I went to a Starbuck's and, along with a couple other Harry Potter fans scattered around the floor I was on, dived into the last adventure.

Update: My friend's girlfriend (random, she doesn't even know me) found my news story on the internet and shared a link with me:

http://news.naver.com/hotissue/ranking_read.php?section_id=103&ranking_type=popular_day&office_id=214&article_id=0000044757&date=20070722&seq=3

Ministry of Unification

2007-07-20T19:08:00.001+09:00

Today my North Korean Politics/Society class went on a field trip to the Ministry of Unification. I wasn't expecting much from it at all. In fact, we spent the first hour watching a North Korean movie, which I thought was a waste of our visit since we could've watched it in class... or not at all.

But then the great part came: a North Korean refugee came to talk to us about his experience. His story was not at all what I imagined from a North Korean refugee, which made me feel like I had such a naive imagination of what a refugee would look like and act like. I imagined an old Korean man or woman dressed in mismatching, poor-quality clothes. Somehow that seems to be the stereotype of a North Korean refugee ingrained into my brain from images I have seen on the news of families reuniting with refugees.

This refugee was 31 years old and dressed in a spiffy suit, looking pretty healthy and put-together. I picked up on the North Korean accent (it's pretty subtle) but other than that, he looked like he could've been born and raised in South Korea.

He's been in South Korea for a year, according to his story. He first left NK through the Chinese-NK border by bribing the guards with money. He said his motivation to leave was the curiosity to visit other countries.
---This surprised me and leaves me feeling skeptical, because it doesn't seem likely that merely curiosity would compel someone to leave a life of poverty into another world; but when a student asked about this during the Q&A, he said that curiosity was his #1 reason because, while living in NK, he didn't have any exposure to other ways of life. It still seems like a refugee would want to escape NK because of the harsh conditions within the country.

He first lived and worked in China for a while, even though he didn't know any Chinese. Finally his boss gave him a plane ticket to South Korea where he's been working ever since.
---This story seemed highly unusual (and is, according to him) since his crossing was so much easier than other refugees.

He said that he often worries about his family, and tries to make a lot of money so he can send some every month. Supposedly his family (2 brothers) are party officials.
---While this may sound nice and brotherly, I'm pretty sure the government checks all incoming mail and wouldn't let the money get to the family members. I'm also pretty sure that all family members are punished when a defector leaves the country. I'm also pretty sure that status is similar throughout a family, so the fact that his brothers are party officials makes me wonder if he himself was (or still is) also a party official. There might be a chance that the brothers can get to the money since they are elite members of NK society, but still, they must have been punished severely if the Party found out their brother left the country. I didn't hear this myself, but Erica told me that when asked about defectors' families being punished, the refugee had said that the Party has decreased its use of punishment... when the other day Erica had read something saying that punishment for defectors' families had increased.

I asked him during the Q&A what surprised him the most since he's left NK, and he relayed a long but funny story about a girl who played piano at his church in SK who once grabbed his hand to say she was really cold from the air-conditioner. He said in NK, people aren't affectionate at all with each other. People don't say "I love you" often, except maybe when a man is proposing to a woman. Couples don't hold hands often, and usually the proposal is the pinnacle of affection between a man and woman. He said he was surprised to find that SKoreans were a lot more affectionate than NKoreans. In my mind, I smiled thinking he'd be blown away if he visited Western countries. SKorean couples are definitely modest by American standards.
--- When I asked the question, I anticipated a political answer, so I was pretty surprised to hear his response. It makes sense though. I would imagine NK society isn't very affectionate... but I'm skeptical that he picked this as his story perhaps as a way to avoid critiquing the NK system too much. Who knows.

He had prepared a PowerPoint presentation of pictures to show us, but of course and as usual, the technology in the room wasn't working. So typical. I was disappointed, and students asked if he could email it to us. There was the possibility that it wasn't safe to send out the pictures, but he said he could email it to the professor, and then the professor could share it with us during class. Maybe he was concerned about leaking the pictures to the international community by first sharing them with students.
--- What doesn't fit here is that the was willing to take pictures with the students. At first, he said something like he didn't think it would be safe for his family if he publicized pictures from NK, and yet he took pictures with us. I got one too. If he really was worrying about protecting his family, wouldn't he have said "No, I'm sorry" to us when we asked for pictures? It doesn't add up to me.

The room was pretty humid so I'm glowing in the picture. Nevertheless I'm glad I got a picture with him and my NK professor. Afterwards the refugee asked me to email it to him. A group of students asked the refugee to get dinner one day so they could ask him more questions and spend more time with him. He seemed up for it and they wrote their numbers down for him. I wrote down his email and I definitely wanted to send him some more questions.

Erica and I left and stopped by an art museum to see what kind of exhibit they were having. We took some pictures outside the museum and were heading over to get some lunch, when lo and behold, the refugee crossed our path! I guess he recognized me, but I had walked on ahead when he asked Erica where we were going. Then I turned around and realized who it was. He said something to the effect that he wanted to join us. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to spend more time with him, so I invited him to come to lunch with us if he wasn't busy. He said that sounded good, and made a phone call to his work (maybe he doesn't officially work for the Ministry and was on his way back to his real work). He was talking for several minutes, and I overheard him saying "Do I have to come back now? I would like to get lunch." Meanwhile, Erica and I were pretty excited about getting the chance to talk with him and pick his brain.

When he got off the phone, he apologized and said he wasn't able to join us today because he was too busy with work. He asked me for my number though and said that he would like to join us some other time. Later on today I got a text message from him: "I am sorry. I buy the meal for you later."

What a great opportunity! I'm very curious what kinds of things he would be interested in finding out from us. I feel like I could gauge whether or not he's a spy from the questions he would ask us... maybe. I'm excited nevertheless. Finally I feel like I am doing something purpose-driven and meaningful here! I'm so curious about so many things:
- How is he adjusting to living in a society that basically condemns the way of life he's had for 30 years?
- How is he adjusting to going to SK churches as opposed to NK ones?
- What kinds of feelings of loyalty does he still harbor for NK and Kim Jung Il?
- Does he still believe in NK's Juche ideology?
- How much of an insider was he in the Party?
- How does he feel about the move towards unification?
- Are there underground movements of resentment/unhappiness among NKoreans?
- Do a lot of people wish to escape?
- Are people as brainwashed as I think they are?
... The list could go on ...

Somehow, I want to get all this information out of him... tactfully of course, to avoid any suspicion. The less suspicion, the more open he will be (that is, if he IS a spy). I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for a while, but I think it's a legit guess that he is a spy. He could be collecting information on the way SK's economy works to propose economic reforms to the Party (since NK's economic plans constantly fail). He could also be finding out what SK attitudes are towards unification and relay the info back to the NK government.

In any case, I think a great opportunity has come texting into my cellphone... and I'm excited!

Dongdaemun Shopping - Never Again

2007-07-19T19:51:00.000+09:00

Crowded sidewalks.
Overwhelmingly stocked booths.
Suffocating atmosphere.
Unprofessional associates.

So I finally went shopping in Korea... and it might not happen again, at least not at the type of market I went to (Dongdaemun). It was a shop-til-you-can't-take-it atmosphere. And it didn't take long before I couldn't take it anymore.

In the district, there are street vendors as well as department store buildings that are about 6 stories high. And in these 6-story-high buildings, there are mazes of vendors set up with their clothes and knockoff purses/accessories. There was hardly any elbow room with all the shops and people around me. On top of that, all the associates call out in Korean "Hello guest! Look over here! Very pretty! How much do you want?" and once, a very forced "Hello. How. Are. You. Doing." in Korean (since they wanted to attract the American over to their shop). I was browsing at one booth when I overheard one girl saying in Korean, "She looks like she could speak..." so I looked up at her and smiled.

I was surprised by a couple of things:
1. The majority of purses/accessories were knockoff designer ones.
2. The people made an effort to call out to (a few times even grab) everyone passing by, not knowing how much it makes the customer NOT want to stop.

I was searching for a cute bag and finally found one that I liked with a worker who was tamer than the rest. She tried to get me to punch in the price I wanted into her calculator, after she punched in the "normal selling price" into it: 68,000 won. No way, I said. She eventually said the lowest she could go was 40,000 won, and I still wasn't satisfied. I said I would look around more and maybe come back, but she tried to get me to stay by saying it was almost time for her to leave. I still had 15 minutes though, so I went for a round around the floor looking at the dozens of other booths selling essentially the same kinds of styles. I realized I really liked the purse, and after experiencing other associates, realized how unusually well-mannered that associate was.

So I went back... but boy, that was a task. I got lost in the maze of booths. On that floor I was on, the booths either sold piercings, bags, or jewelry/accessories. There were a lot of booths for each, but they all looked the same that it was very very difficult to get back to where I wanted to buy my purse. I finally found it, and decided to use the "We came here because we liked you, so you should cut down the price even more" game. I also threw in the "We're both going to buy one, so shouldn't you make a better deal for us?"

Final price: 38,000 won

Not bad! I was satisfied and happy because I really liked my purse.

Of course, guilt kicked in a little bit after I realized that my purse could possibly have been manufactured under terrible labor conditions. I've heard that knockoffs are manufactured under the worst labor conditions found. Mine isn't an obvious knockoff (there aren't any designs that vaguely resemble the Louis Vuitton, Gucci, etc. logos), but it could have still been made under those same conditions.

I saw some beautiful chopstick hair accessories I wanted to get as souvenirs... but they were 6,000-8,000 EACH. Oh man! I tried to barter with them... but they said they were hand-painted and not worth much less. After thinking about it more, hand-painted accessories would be worth the extra.

I realized I had come looking for dirt cheap deals without thinking further into it that dirt cheap deals weren't a fair trade for the labor that went into making these good-quality bags. I'm pretty sure my bag is leather, and it's also pretty sturdy so far. After seeing that massive shopping district full of places trying to sell goods that have been made by unfair working conditions, I had a bad feeling in my gut. Even though I'm a student on a budget, and I have lots of souvenirs I want to buy for people back at home, I realized I can't just come to Korea and expect to buy lots of things for cheap. It's worth it to pay the extra money for something that has been made under fair trade conditions.

Too bad most consumers aren't responsible or concerned enough to think about where the items they buy are produced, and under what conditions. I know Nike is incredibly unethical in its manufacturing processes... yet so many people (including me) love and devotedly buy Nike things. It's hard to expect consumers to look into everything they buy to find out if they were made under fair trade conditions... but in my opinion, it's important for the consumer to know. The first step is in learning/realizing which brands have bad systems. The second step is finding out which ones practice fair trade. The third and hardest step is to refuse to buy the bad brands and opt for the good ones. Companies get away with their unfair process because it allows them to drive their prices down lower, attracting a broader set of consumers. Capitalism can get brutal sometimes.

Very few people can say "Well I'm going to opt for the more expensive ____ because it was made under fair trade conditions."

I highly respect those people.

No More Waiting

2007-07-15T11:47:00.000+09:00

The last time I was in Korea, the American music I heard in stores was from years ago, and so were the fashion trends. The movies in theaters weren't the current ones in American theaters either since they took a while to get to Korea.

Now that's all something of the past that we can tell our children to mesmerize them of how slow and disconnected our world used to be.

Coffee shops like Cafe Pascucci play some American music I haven't heard in years (98 Degrees, old school Brian McKnight) while at the same time playing some American songs I haven't even heard in the States (a new remix of "Moulin Rouge" as well as some new Justin Timberlake/Timberland song that definitely marks JT's complete transition into the world of hip-hop). It is for this reason - the awesome blend of pop/hip-hop music across the years - that I love going to Cafe Pascucci the most of all the other coffee shops I've been to.

Now because of globalization, movies and books premiere at the same time here as they do in the U.S. This works out wonderfully for me as I am eagerly anticipating next Saturday's release of the 7th and final "Harry Potter." Though the book won't be released at midnight as it will be in many other parts of the world (because it's just not as popular here), I will still be able to get it on the same day. In some cases of movies, like with "Transformers" recently, movies can even open at an earlier date in Korea than in the U.S.

We definitely live in a highly connected world, as I'm seeing during this trip, and I'm definitely not complaining when it lets me read my Harry Potter at the same time as other fans around the world.

National Museum of Contemporary Art

2007-07-14T19:46:00.000+09:00

Erica and I decided to venture out to the National Museum of Contemporary Art for a day trip. I'm so happy we got to go because no U.S. art museum I have ever been to has done Korean art justice. Every museum I have gone to that has Korean artwork usually has mostly Korean pottery and crafts. There are only so many jade bowls and snuff boxes I can find interesting.

On the way there, I was pleasantly surprised to see how green and lush the landscape around the museum was. It was surrounded by tree-covered hills, and - lo and behold - we saw blue skies! We picked the perfect day to go. The weather was warm and the skies were clear without a sign of rain. It felt so nice to walk through lots of open space in front of the museum and to see the green all around us. I really needed that change of scenery after being stuck in the dirty city for so long. It was a relief to finally see proof of beautiful lush landscapes in Korea.

At last I stepped into a world I had been searching for. While I was slightly disappointed to find that the museum had not a single work by Nikki S. Lee (a Korean photographer I wrote a paper on in my "Race, Gender, and Sexuality in Contemporary Art" class), there were many amazing pieces.

I didn't expect much from "Artist of the Year" Jung Yeondoo, probably because I'm not family enough with Korean contemporary artwork to find anything about it impressive. Fortunately, I was wrong. I was impressed by Jung, whose installation comprised of mainly photographs displaying settings that looked real but were actuallyfabricated. It was really interesting to see a photograph of fall foliage that was actually painted leaves juxtaposed with a painting of falling leaves that had been rained on to give a dripping effect. I was impressed by many of his works that used these kinds of tactics of showing what was real and not real at the same time.

I had seen the work of Paik Nam June at the Art Institute of Chicago. He's the artist that pioneered in setting up a bunch of TVs with different strange, disconnected, multicolored films rolling on them. It wasn't exactly my interest, so I wasn't ever that impressed by them, though I acknowledged the hard work and talent that had to go into producing them. Today, I saw the largest of Paik's work - a media sculpture that took up 4 stories (side pictures). It was essentially a tower, with the largest TVs lined up in a circle at the bottom, and smaller TVs lined up in concentric circles all the way to the top. Every TV had a film rolling on it, and there was a planned pattern of which film was playing on which TV. Erica and I walked the height of that exhibit numerous times during the day to get to the different galleries. Each time I passed by, the more ingenious it seemed to me and the more I respected the artist. It took so much knowledge of how TVs worked to produce the films with the special effects, and to hook them up accordingly to produce the overall design. It certainly guzzled up a lot of electricity, but it was quiet a masterpiece. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense that this man was a huge source of pride for Korean artwork. Koreans are known for technology, and here was an artist who made a breakthrough in the use of electronics in art. I guess it makes sense that such a breakthrough would come from a Korean.

I was extremely impressed by some of the patience and detail that went into some of the works I saw. For instance, there was one large and intricately curved sculpture that was completely covered in dice. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Another was of a large square piece covered in myriad concentric circles of sequins. The effect was beautiful. I was in awe just imagining the time and effort it must have taken the artist to piece every little die and sequin.

All in all, I feel so grateful to have gotten the chance to go this museum. Nowhere else in the world does Korean artwork justice except Korea. There were so many brilliant contemporary artwork produced by Korean, even a gallery dedicated to children's artwork, that I gained a heightened appreciation for Korean art. I used to perceive Korean artwork as traditional and something from the past, but today that stereotype broke down in front of my eyes.

A Language's Limits

2007-07-13T18:37:00.000+09:00

There's something extremely wrong about a Korean correcting an American's English. But that often happens in my Korean class when someone pronounces an English word (for which there is no Korean equivalent) in the American way. The teacher explains that Koreans can't understand when we speak English the American way, so we must pronounce it using the Korean alphabet. The reason for this is the Korean language is limited in what sounds it has and what letter combinations it can make. "Th" sounds turn into "t", while a "t" sound at the end of a word has to be written as its own syllable "tu."

When I order something like a salad or bagel at a restaurant, I used to try and say it in Konglish so that it would be easily understood by the person taking my order. After doing this for a while, and after teaching English for a couple of days, I noticed that that isn't helping their English at all. I as an American shouldn't be morphing my English to fit their limited comprehension; I should be correcting them. From that point onward, I have refused to use Konglish when speaking to a Korean; yet when I do use the English pronunciation, the Korean usually responds with the Konglish to verify what I'm talking about. The next step is to correct them when they do speak this Konglish version. The kids in my classes struggled most with the pronunciation since they were used to learning from Korean teachers. I almost feel like it's the duty of Americans to correct English rather than assimilate and try to "dumb it down" for the Koreans to understand it in the scope of their limited alphabet.

I respect Korean a lot, but I never noticed this huge weakness. It is true that you can only say the sounds you grow up knowing. There are certain sounds in Thai that I have a hard time making. It's the same way with Koreans and certain American sounds that aren't in the Korean language, such as "z," and pretty much any double-consonant combination. I realize now that the sounds of the Korean language are pretty simple. All of Korean can be written in English (though it can be challenging for English-speakers to learn how to pronounce some sounds), while not all English words can be written in Korean and have the same pronunciation.

This might not be as big of an issue if it weren't for the fact that Korean is also incorporating more and more English in the mainstream. It's drastically noticeable since the last time I was here. So often I see signs/magazines/etc. that say an English word in Korean. This is perfectly acceptable for words like "iPod" and "internet" that have no Korean equivalent, but words like "oil" and "stress" have Korean words yet are written as "oh-eel" and "suh-tuh-lae-suh" in Korean.

It's definitely easier for my comprehension to see all these English words written in Korean since I don't have trouble understanding what it means; yet it's imperative to preserve the traditional Korean language and keep using Korean words. If we keep using English words and merely write them in Korean, the Korean words will sooner or later become obsolete. Maybe this is another example of Koreans accepting Western ideas too an extreme - even the language has infiltrated the society. English is probably seen as more "cool" than the Korean equivalent, which I find to be really sad.

Gasoline and Trash

2007-07-13T10:12:00.001+09:00

With a midterm in about 40 minutes, hey, I figured now's a good time as ever to make an update. It's a surprise that we're already at the point of midterms. I feel like I haven't seen enough of Korea for it to already be at the halfway mark.

There are a lot of things I have somewhat been getting used to while I've been here. I find my professors to be pretty dull and not so thorough when covering our material, but I've gotten used to relying on my readings to keep me interested in the subjects.

When walking down the streets of Sinchon, there are 2 things I always smell: gasoline and trash. As much as I am not satisfied with U.S. environmental policy, it sure beats Korea's. I guess Korea is so focused on modernizing itself and developing technologies that they forget to preserve the environment while doing so. I understand that modernizing is crucial for the Korean economy right now as it lifts itself out of the 90s recession, but I hope in time they will take measures to fight pollution. It's getting too bad. I wonder what kind of serious health effects I could possibly get from living in this place for too long.

The public waste disposal is pretty sad and pathetic. Basically, it doesn't really exist. It used to be the case that people had to BUY plastic bags to set their trash out in. If they didn't use the allocated bags, the waste collectors simply wouldn't pick it up. I find that to be silly. The response to this was to basically take away those designated bags and leave people to deal with their trash as they please - ideally to throw it away at home, but realistically to leave it in mounds along the streets. I think it's a sound investment to put trash bags and recycling bins throughout the streets. I definitely see SOME, but definitely not enough and not in the right places.

We praise Northeast Asia for modernizing its economy and developing/refining cutting-edge technology, but it so often feels like they aren't ready to quite handle it fully. Yes, they are moving forward while their culture values past traditions, but they sometimes aren't modernizing enough in ways that they should, and sometimes they aren't preserving important aspects of their culture.

I find this to be a very serious issue in Korea that can be found in multiple areas of its society, not just in its environmental policies (or lack thereof). More on this later.

My Independence Day

2007-07-08T17:24:00.000+09:00

Ah, the feeling of renewed freedom. It's wonderful. July 8th will be marked as my Independence Day this year.

Today I finally felt released from the unnecessary commitments I have had in Korea. I finally got to not only venture out beyond my Sinchon area, but also have a great time. I can definitely get used to this, meaning I will more than likely quit all my teaching obligations for good. I love my freedom, and this weekend has definitely made me feel so much better after a long week.

Today I had a lovely time with my cousin. She took me to a great restaurant that had some YUMMY kalbi ggim (basically steamed and marinated Korean BBQ). It was great to see my cousin and spend some quality time with her. She's actually a new member of the family (she married my cousin this past spring), so I'm grateful we got the opportunity to spend some quality time together and get to know each other.

There was also some patbingsoo involved... patbingsoo is a popular Korean dessert that consists of crushed ice with fresh fruit on top along with red bean. Some variations include green tea or frozen yogurt or coffee flavors. Ours was absolutely delicious. Plus it's healthy, what with all the fruit in it :)

One of my mom's (many) mantras is:

Think positive and positive things will happen to you.

I do believe it's true. I also just believe that a shift in the tide can improve people's attitudes immensely. Now that I have a more positive mindset, I'm very excited about all the doors that have just opened up in the last 24 hours. Time is now on my side, and I can ponder about all the places I want to go, sights I want to see, people I want to meet. Hiking in the Korean countryside, Korean musicals, the Seoul Metropolitan Museum of Art... I'm there!

Hooray, freedom!

Imported, Pre-packaged Identities

2007-07-07T22:46:00.000+09:00

One stark contrast between the U.S. and Korea is the lack of diversity among people here in Korea. There are very few deviants from the norm. People of similar age groups pretty much dress the same and have similar interests.

In my "U.S. & Northeast Asia" class, we briefly pondered why it is that, out of all the Northeast Asia countries, Korea was the most susceptible to converting to Christianity when missionaries first came to Northeast Asia. After thinking about it more, there's definitely been a tendency throughout modern Korean history where Korea follows the West in whatever it does. From the past, we see that Korea was the first to accept Western religion and capitalism. In the present, we see that Western physical features are idealized here. Furthermore, we see that Western pop culture has infiltrated the society. Everyone follows the same trends. Electronic trends change faster than the seasons. It's not like the U.S. where there are different categorizations of fashion (i.e. emo, preppy, metro, surfer, skater, etc.). I find that all the trendy fashion here goes under the "urban metro" category. The society as a whole is fairly homogeneous with very few deviants. I'd imagine that, because of this homogeneity, the few deviants that do exist aren't accepted very well since they stand out immensely.

There's also a common notion of what is "ideal":
- Fair skin: There are hundreds of skin care products dedicated to making skin appear lighter and keeping skin light.
- Western facial features: Plastic surgery is very popular among women here (and I've heard it's not even as expensive as it is in the U.S.). Popular procedures include double-eyelid, nose, cheek implants, and jaw structure.

We often want what is not ours, but Koreans takes this to the macro level in their desire to import Western culture and adjust their identities and appearance to what they perceive is the "ideal" way to live and be.

Jaded & Dismayed

2007-07-07T22:17:00.000+09:00

I came to Korea hoping to drastically improve my Korean over the course of this summer program. Above anything else, my priority in coming here is to strengthen my speaking and understanding skills. So far, I have been extremely dismayed and disappointed. This in turn makes me extremely uninterested in teaching English any further.

I almost feel as if coming here has been a waste of my valuable summer. I'm not being intellectually stimulated by my classes - they are both covering the same topics because one is not following the syllabus, and both professors only skim the surface in their analysis of important topics. I understand it's the summer, so professors might become more relaxed with their teaching, but this is beyond relaxed.

I have very little opportunities to speak Korean here. Since I am here with a summer program of primarily Americans, pretty much everyone around me speaks in English. The classes are taught in English (which is a good thing, since I definitely don't know enough to follow international politics in Korean). The students speak in English. My room mate and I speak in English even though she's pretty fluent and in the Advanced level Korean class. I guess it's hard for people (including myself) to step out of our comfort zones to say "Hey, while we're in Korean, let's speak Korean." I've wanted to say that so many times, but each time I feel awkward about it.

I'm almost to the point of being jaded by how rude some Koreans can be. I find it contradicting that Koreans can be so formally polite to each other by speaking in formalized Korean, yet so rude in their behaviors. I understand that Seoul is an extremely crowded people, so people are used to bumping into each other. I just don't appreciate people walking right into me without even trying to move aside when there is room. I've often been flat-out shoved to the side by men, and when I snap back with an "Excuse me," they look back in astonishment. I wonder if their astonishment is more to the fact that a white girl just spoke in Korean to them, or because a white girl had the audacity to pop attitude at them.

I also don't appreciate taxi cabs driving straight towards me honking its horn while I'm crossing the road. I've accepted the fact that pedestrians don't have the right of way here.

Many Korean-Americans may come to Korea looking to find and connect with a part of their heritage. I, on the other hand, feel no more "Korean" now than I did before this trip. To me, knowing the language is the most important part to connect with my Korean heritage. I know well where my family is from, what my family is like. I have visited the place where my mom grew up, and I am pretty aware of Korean values and customs. Coming here makes me realize just how connected I have been to my Korean heritage throughout all these years, and for that, I am very thankful to my family.

I do want to connect more with my heritage by venturing out to the countryside and seeing different parts of Korea I haven't had the chance to see before. This desire of mine makes me feel like a bird trapped in a cage because of all my teaching/tutoring obligations. Unfortunately, because of the family-friend connections that landed me this teaching position, I feel a very heavy burden to continue on with it. I imagine there are lots of beautiful sights to see in Korea's countryside; my only challenge is to free up the time to actually go see it.

---- another entry follows to condense all my negative venting into 1 post ----

Maybe it's the fact that I've always been so proud of being half Korean, but I had a lot of expectations before I came to Korea. I think that's why my disappointment is so much greater. Maybe if I had come with a clean head (which is impossible anyway), I wouldn't be as disappointed and irritated as I am.

Koreans in general are a very proud people. You kinda have to be when you're from such a tiny country that has struggled with Japanese occupation in the past. There are sound reasons for being proud too, considering the economic successes the country has had.

1 frustrating thing that keeps coming up, however, is how unreliable the technology here. Koreans take pride in their cutting-edge technology. They're at the forefront of developing and modifying inventions. Great. What good is it, though, to have projectors in every classroom if they so rarely work? What good is it if the technicians can't get them to work? What good is it to have connection capabilities for TVs and computers if they're not MAC-friendly?

Koreans are also very emotional people. Many exaggerate their emotions. I saw the most dramatic fight between a couple right next to me at Starbuck's today. I wanted to yell at the guy for speaking so disrespectfully to the girl, and I wanted to yell at the girl for putting up with it. I'm so sick of men thinking they're allowed to just have their way with women, and I'm sick of women who let the men be like that. Even when the girl said things here and there, the guy kept saying "Shut up. Don't say anything." Then when the girl said something else, the guy did this dramatic move of grabbing his backpack off the table and getting up in one swift motion and then ignoring the girl calling after him as he left the store.

There are so many moments like these when I feel myself bubbling over inside with the urge to say something, but resisting because I'm afraid of what kind of violent, spirited reaction I might receive. I am, after all, in a country in which it is perfectly okay for a man to slap a woman.

I come from a very clean-cut family, and even though I have seen many, MANY Koreans back at home who wear clashing outfits that are an eyesore, I guess I have always been convinced that this is a minority. Nope, it isn't.

A large portion of the population falls into 2 categories with respect to the way they carry themselves:
1. People who are wealthy and stylish, but are materialistic and shallow. They are what we call "label whores" and want only the nicest things money can buy. Sinchon isn't one of the wealthier areas, so I don't see as many of this kind as I do of the following.
2. The younger generation wears English words on their tshirts with a couple of layers on top and nothing that trendy or appealing to me. The older generation wears clashing patterns and colors that don't look like they put much thought into them.

It's superficial of me to be annoyed by this, but I expected more from the way Koreans put themselves together. The ones who look good are ones overly concerned with fashion, and the ones who look mediocre/poor are the ones who seem like they aren't concerned at all with what they wear. I don't see many cases of the medium. Then again, this society doesn't have diverse personalities, so of course there aren't going to be a wide variety of outlooks on presenting themselves.

What kills me here is how people are painfully polite and indirect all the time.
I have had way too many situations that look like the following:
- X wants to see me
- I say "I'm sorry, I can't" with an explanation of course.
- X: Oh really? I was really hoping to ___.... [in a lingering voice]
- Me: Yes really, I'm sorry but I don't think I can.
(A perfectly appropriate spot to end the conversation... but no)
- X: Aw... [long pause] I was hoping to ______.
- Me: I'm sorry but I don't think I can. [I really do repeat this verbatim]

Personally, I like direct conversation. I can't stand it when people can't take a hint that I'm too busy or not interested. Once I say I can't, that should be the end of the conversation. I don't need people to go on about what they were "hoping" and guilt-tripping me.

I feel like whenever there is some sort of complaint (ex. when food is taking too long), you're supposed to say so very politely. Expectations are higher for Korean-Americans because we have to make up for the reputation that Korean-Americans have no manner. Thus I find myself being so much more polite here than I am in the States to people that I feel absolutely no need to be polite to. If someone takes an obscene amount of time preparing something simple, I really don't feel like asking "By any chance will it be ready soon?" in a cheery voice. I've seen people ask directly in an unhappy voice, and I feel like this just perpetuates the reputation that Korean-Americans have no respect or manners.

I have so many negative things to say to and about Koreans, yet I have kept them all to myself and to my friends since it is "rude" to speak my mind here. That's not how I roll.

I was perfectly aware of all these cultural differences before I got here, but I guess my pride always trumped any negativity that may have come from thinking about them... but after being immersed in this society for over a month now, I have absolutely had it. I am done here. All thoughts of possibly working in Korea or working on Korean issues are completely out the window.

I'm still proud of the country though. The country has a rich, interesting history and my family has played a pretty big part in it. This trip has, however, limited my proud more to my own immediate family than to Korean people as a whole.

Traditional Gender Roles

2007-06-28T17:52:00.000+09:00

I'm beginning to notice that Korea is still a world of traditional gender roles. We needed to use the word "janitor" in Korean class today, but it turns out that there's no such gender-neutral word. What we say is "cleaning lady." When someone asked "Oh, so you could also say 'cleaning man' too right?" the teacher laughed and said that that's weird and very unusual. It seems like cleaning is still very much a female role here.

We watched a video on North Korea in my "Politics and Society in North Korea" class, and all the women were dressed in traditional Korean dress (hangbok) while all the men were dressed in suits. It's interesting that man may become more modernize, but the women stay in their traditional stations wearing their traditional clothes.

Also, the concept of exercising is lost on women. Women don't work out. They just diet. Thus, the ones that diet well are super skinny and the ones who don't diet are a little pudgy... no Korean woman has toned muscles. It's a stigma to have muscles, in fact. My friend told me about a Korean masseur she went to who told her to stop exercising because it would make her get bigger. In the Korean mindset, the smaller the Korean woman, the better. Meanwhile, men should exercise. A girl in my Korean class said that her mom wouldn't let her take taekwondo because it was for men. I thought that was absolutely ridiculous. My mom, on the contrary, encouraged me to take taekwondo so that I could defend myself. That definitely made me appreciate my mom's more modernized mindset. I can't believe a mom would tell her daughter not to do something she wants to do just because it's dominated by men.

1st Day of Teaching, B-Boy Korea Show

2007-06-27T23:38:00.000+09:00

A friend of my mom's arranged for me to teach English while I'm in Seoul. That was kind of all I knew about what I was doing up until I actually started teaching today. I kept hearing mixed news about if I was teaching a couple of kids at a family's home or if I was teaching a class at a school so I really had no idea what to expect. I didn't know how far away it was, and I was under the impression that I was going to be chauffeured around.

It was hard to keep the communication lines going because there were 3 different people I talked to. On top of that, I had to ask the teacher to call me back because of how expensive my outgoing phone calls are. I'm glad things worked out though. I got directions to the area, which was just 1 subway ride with no switching.

I waited for about half an hour though so I was drenched with sweat by the time I met one of the teachers. My job is basically to serve as the speaking instructor. All the teachers know how to read and write English well, but their speaking skills are almost nonexistent. Since the B-Boy Korea show was today, I had to leave early to get back in time. Normally my hours will be 1:30-7:30 straight. It was tiring today just from 3 hours but hopefully I'll adjust. I taught about 5 small classes today and basically tried to lead introductions and did a little Q&A. It was definitely a challenge when the whole idea was to get the kids to speak in English but they didn't understand my questions. Then when I tried to explain the way for them to answer in a complete sentence, they kept repeating their short answer in Korean.

I had a class of kindergarteners and 3rd-5th graders in another, but the classes that had the 2nd-4th graders seemed to be the quickest to catch on and the more cooperative ones.

I finally had my first Starbuck's today... and as expected, it ate up 4,300won. I like studying at coffee shops, so there's gotta be a way around this. I commented that Seoul's Starbuck's was so much more expensive than the ones in the U.S. I like making conversation with people I come across on my outings because I really want to speak as much Korean as possible. (It's also always nice when I get a nice reaction.)

A lot of coffee shops in Sinchon (the neighborhood where Yonsei University is) are on multiple levels. It was nice to sit on the 2nd floor where it was quiet with my frappuccino in a mug, reading my Korean "Harry Potter" and people-watching out the window before I made my trip to Kangnam to teach. It's those simple moments of spending time with myself reading in a coffee shop that I really enjoy. I've also come to look forward to my morning blueberry bagel with cream cheese, because I like walking and enjoying the campus scenery while I have my breakfast.

I think it' cool that different Starbuck's around the world have different types of pastries and food. Switzerland had salads, cheesecake, fruit... in general, healthier food. The one I went to today had some really good-looking cakes - lots of cheesecakes, some brownies, chocolate cakes - oh my! They look so much better than the pastries/cakes at U.S. stores... those always disappoint me when I try them.

The B-Boy Korea show was amazing. Great breakdancing. By far the highlight of my trip so far. thought it was typical of Koreans to put a little bit of the famous Korean drama element into a dance show. The breakdancing show incorporated this semi-elaborate plot about a "dorky" group of dancers and a "thuggish" group of dancers that set up to battle each other. Then one of the "dorky" dancers and one of the instrumentalist ladies fell for each other, but of course the plot thickens when a drum breaks and the guy goes over to the thuggish group in order to get it fixed. Oh, the honor and fellowship. Then of course, the thuggish pick on the other group like gangsters with the dorky one dancing with them (who ends up going back to his true friends). The "dorky" dancers end up training hard enough to do really well in the battle and, in the end, the 2 leaders of each group shake hands - that "OH!!" moment of resolution and the happy ending is finally here. Oh Koreans and their drama. It was definitely entertaining. Love, comedy, action... way to go to mix everything for everyone to enjoy.

Keep in mind the whole plotline is expressed through music and dancing. No words! The instrumentation was impressive. They were so into it, and they really matched the tone/mood of the music to the plot and the type of dancing. When the couple danced together, there was a juxtaposition of the girl's elegant moves with a ribbon and the guy's popping street-dancing. I loved it so much!

It's nice having Wednesday off of school to have my 2nd world of experiences. Most people who are here at Yonsei are just here for the program but I like that I'm busy on the side too. The kids were really cute. My only worry is that I won't be able to plan a variety of lessons and that we'll run out of stuff to cover.

Now back to reading about the Korean War and studying some Korean grammar =)

Seoul Likes My Money

2007-06-27T09:54:00.000+09:00

Most Expensive Cities in the World:
1. Moscow, Russia
2. London, England
3. Seoul, Korea

... and it's definitely not a surprise. Aside from the occasional 3,000won meals, food here is expensive! Keep in mind the currency exchange rate isn't working in the $'s favor. We're supposed to keep in mind that 1,000won is roughly equal to $1... but it's actually less than that.

I wish the program included some sort of meal plan. I'd be grateful even for a 1-meal-a-day plan. Luckily I found a prime breakfast spot that sells 1,700won bagels. I'm about to go to Starbucks for the first time since I've been here, and I'm expecting my tall coffee frappuccino to be around 4,000won. Clearly I won't be getting into my habit of 1 Starbucks a day.

I finally indulged myself with a gelato after dinner yesterday that cost me 4,000won. I figured it's going to be a rare indulgence so why not? We found a cheap Korean restaurant so it makes up for it. We also found a really good sushi chain restaurant that has several locations in California. Sushi is already pretty expensive so I opted for the Green Tea California roll for 6,000won but I learned my lesson that I shouldn't be so stingy as to not eat food I want to eat. Some of those sushi descriptions were crazy and sounded so good.

My friends have been on the lookout for cheap bars and places to go at night. They took me to a cheap (but clean) bar that had pitchers of sojo... yes, pitchers... for 4,000won. That's not bad at all, especially since a group of people split it. Then we found a karaoke bar that was 15,000won per hour - split 5 ways + a discount for the next time we come + free ice cream = my wallet was smiling.

The First Few Days

2007-06-24T20:16:00.000+09:00

I've been in Korea for almost a week now, and my feelings for it are improving a little bit from when I first got here. I was very unhappy for the first couple of days because, as someone who takes great pride in her Korean heritage, I was disappointed in what I saw in Seoul.

Korea is known for its great technological advances - being more advanced than even the U.S. in keeping the country wired. It's amazing how many cell phone places there are along the streets in Seoul. Not only that, but TVs, GPS systems, digital cameras, and all other electronics are very advanced here. The new KTX train lets me get from Seoul to the southern tip of Korea in only around 2.5 hours (it took much longer when I was here 10 years ago).

Now here's the paradox. So we have all these advances here, but taking a look at the environment of where the city is in, it disgusts me. The city is extremely dirty. the smog here trumps the smog in Los Angeles. The river running through it is hardly blue, perhaps because there aren't as many environmental precautions as there are required in the U.S. Homes aren't maintained very well... if at all. Seoul houses the wealthiest people of Korea, yet the streets and buildings are so outdated and dirty. I'm disappointed that the government hasn't put stronger regulations to maintain these places.

Since I am now 10 years older than when I last came to Korea, I see some of the changes that have come with globalization. What has really surprised me is so many signs are written in Konglish - English words written out in Korean. Sometimes it's very unnecessary, as in when there is a Korean equivalent of the word, yet it is still written out in Konglish. This disappoints me since it seems like the language isn't preserved in its traditional sense.

I've sensed the hardships that come with globalization, as with a family friend whose box-making business is being stomped to the ground by Chinese competitors who can produce the boxes for cheaper. Then I was amazed when my grandparents took me to a traditional house-turned-restaurant that specializes in BBQ eel. Since I was last there 10 years ago, they had built 2 more house structures next to the original and had made the place a lot nicer than it was before (which is a huge understatement considering the original house wouldn't exactly have received an "A" for good hygiene).

As for the way I view myself so far on my trip, I must say I feel a little proud of myself. I've always been aware of my unique identity, but Seoul just reminds me everywhere I turn. I always get looks, double-takes, and stares on the streets (and even moreso when I was in Milyang this weekend to visit my grandparents). I'm in an international dorm with many more Korean-Americans, all of which are 100% ethnically Korean. I am one of very few people who is able to speak Korean well. It's disappointing to Koreans when they see the younger generation not being able to speak the language. There is a lack of respect for them, especially when they come to their home country and still continue to speak in English. Then comes me. No one expects me to understand anything here, so they become extremely surprised when I start speaking without an accent. It's funny when some people still speak in broken English to me even though I speak to them in Korean.

I came to Korea with the hopes of drastically improving my language skills while I'm here, but so far in this International House (I-House), I've been speaking only English since everyone else feels more comfortable speaking English. I-House is a little bubble so it's like a mini-U.S. inside Seoul. Fortunately for me, my room mate speaks Korean fairly well, so I'm going to try and start speaking in Korean with her, even though I'm sure it'll be easier to just go back to speaking English.